Who Talks Like That?

Remember this from 1996? I sure don't, vacuum years. I never heard this ode to all things oral until last November (2005) when my friend Celeste pulled it up on her music player. I was shocked. Who talks like that?

Those of you reading this post who know me well are probably asking yourselves right now, "How could he not have heard this song until 2005? Is this another one of those two truths and a lie thingies? (By the way, in the latest episode of Veronica Mars, George Michael, from Arrested Development, leads the group of college newbies-to-be in a game of two truths and a lie. I made the post on Tuesday and Veronica did not air until Wednesday. Total (cool) coinsidence. Veronica Mars and I are so in sync.) Wouldn't "Put it in Your Mouth" be one of his life's anthems?" Yes, I must admit that I do put a lot of things in my mouth. My pens are put in my mouth. Your pen is put in my mouth if you let me borrow it. My glasses spend about as much time pivoting by a leg from my teeth as they do resting resting on my nose. I'll taste anything at least once. Spices are always sprinkled on my hand and licked. I've licked numerous deoderant sticks just to know what they tasted like.

Once I was traveling on a train in Germany. The train was packed, and all the seats were taken so I was left standing holding one of the poles near the front and center of the car. A student that I was traveling with (not really a friend, more like a colleague) was standing, too, holding to the same pole. You guessed it. I licked his hand. I'm not really sure why I licked it. I just did it. He did not seem to mind. I got a strange look or two from the people standing next to us. (Those abnoxious foreigners!)

Confession: I still chew my nails. It's gross, I know. I've made progress. Notice that I said chew and not bite. I stopped biting almost a year ago, but anytime I get anxious, stressed or nervous, the edge of my fingernail is back in my mouth. It's amazing I am not full of parasites.

Put it in my mouth!